Review: Spider-Man 2 (2004)

God, when did Spider-Man become so fucking emo?

**spoilers!**
OK, we're two years after the events of the first film, a film that I liked and it appears that Peter has not moved on emotionally at all. He still wants to fuck Mary Jane and every single time he sees her it just seems to open up some emotional wound for him that causes him to go for some emo drifting around New York City. As Peter Parker he acts as a seriously sad bitch, he has no money, he's nearly failing class and he works for a man that demonises him. Things seem to be going well for everyone else but everyone else is also miserable, Harry still wants a hug from his dead father, auntie blames herself for her husband's death, Mary Jane wants to fuck Peter but he's in emo-land so she settles for an astronaut.

Are you serious? An astronaut? Do we still send people into outer space?

There's a villian called Dr. Octopus and he's crazy... like the last villian. Peter decides giving up everything he wants isn't worth being Spider-Man so he throws his little uniform away and becomes a nerd instead with spiffing glasses. Crime rises but Peter doesn't care, he can now finally have his shot with Mary Jane, but tough luck pal. She's getting fucking married. You knew that. He tries to convince her with a smashing argument but she is somehow not convinced.

The entire plot becomes ridiculous as the movie progresses. Scenes full of plot holes arise, for instance: no one (including Mr. Super Spider Senses) notices that a man with four huge metalliac arms enters a bank until he thows open the vault door. Later in the film, the said man with the metalliac arms is given one clue (Peter Parker) to find Spider-Man and then KILLS him. Oh, wait, he didn't. Because Peter Parker has super powers. Right. That was lucky otherwise you would have killed your only clue and then you wouldn't have got your precious whatever that glowing shit was.

And don't get me started on the ending. Don't get me started on that awful speech that is repeated throughout the film. Don't get me started on the phrase "with great power comes great responsiblity". Don't get me started on the useless sequences.

We should just talk about J.K. Simmons. He's fucking awesome. I wish the rest of the movie could just live up to him.

I'll finish with a picture... from the first movie because that was so much better.